Searching for Truth

 I have spent the last few years studying and searching for truth and the wellbeing that comes from knowing your path is headed in a more comfortable direction. I say comfortable in the sense of feeling less lost and more headed where your heart takes you. It certainly has not been emotionally or even spiritually comfortable. The angst I have struggled with in the last few years has been borne in the solitary confinement of a soul stretching beyond what I had ever imagined. The stretching has come by both study and all it’s important elements (faith, prayer, discussion, …) and with the stepping away from religion as I have always known it. This stepping away was not a sudden element of this growth process, but a gradual coming to a clear understanding that I only had pieces of the truth and that there was so much out beyond my previous reaching that I had to “put on new glasses” to see the depth of it.

I fully recognize the shift I have made from a fairly strict religious person to a more open minded and accepting one. I look back at my whole experience of change and sometimes cannot not fully remember the events or emotions that have lead me to the changed place of belief that I am in. It seems to have happened quickly and in a fairly benign manner, and yet, like a multi-part dream, has lead me to a totally different life. No one person led me to it all. It has been a combination of watching and reading and thinking, coupled with the occasional discussion with others. Over time I just noticed that some things I felt were so important before, had been brought to the forefront in my thoughts and the analyzation of those brought me to a new level of acceptance or rejection of those thoughts or beliefs.

Each time this process happened, there would be a level of comfort or discomfort with the changes. Sometimes I was fully in a state of juxtaposition with all that I had been taught and all that I was “made up of “. I felt such guilt that it seemed as though I would never be able to gain any composure in regards to my emotions. That guilt went so deep that my grief was inconsolable. I felt that by changing my deep-seeded beliefs, I was rejecting all the suffering and hard labor and love of my ancestors. I have been raised with a very complete knowledge of their history and I feel very connected to all of them. Because of this, the pain was very real. How could I make any changes against all that had come down to me from them. Sometimes I felt that I should just stop and retrace my steps and forget all that I had learned. Being harassed by my church leaders just added to my feeling. But that also brought new kindling to my fire against the control of others on my radar and I once again would move forward in my quest.

I eventually had several spiritual experiences that took away the fear and guilt and brought me to a place where I felt equilibrium. But as soon as the concern I had been struggling with reconciled in my mind and heart, a new issue or dilemma came to the forefront and I began studying and thinking about it all and some emotions began to come to play. I have never been an extremely emotional person, but ever since this process of change has begun, I have had many emotional upheavals. At times something very simple would start me down this path of new thought. A comment, a sentence in a book, or just one thing leading to another.

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It has bothered me or even angered me at times, that those who have stepped away from the church, whether by their own choice or having been pushed away by others, turn to Babylon in their language and even their actions. Suddenly all that they have been taught is thrown out with the proverbial baby - manners, cleanliness, grooming, kindness, language and many others that might suggest the idea that one has not been brought up by any kind of a mother. It seems that all is forgotten and now that new truths are discovered, we can remake ourselves into a new person who is of less worth than the old one. This seems backwards to me. Shouldn’t it be just the opposite? Shouldn’t new ideas and information transform us into a higher being of understanding and light and peace?

Instead what I have seen is a lack of growth in many around me who profess new found knowledge. It truly baffles me. I have hesitated greatly to share my thoughts or spiritual growth so as not to join the ranks of the silly or the “great un-washed” that I have seen coming out of those who profess to have found truth.

Another perplexing thing is how some profess this great growth in their knowledge and yet have only read a few things to give them their new direction. They profess to know so much more, but when quizzed about their sources have read nothing to corroborate the ideas they have. Or even if they are writing about the subject, how be it on a blog or some social media site, their sources or references don’t show due diligence. 

It reminds me of an experience I had when attending a local ‘Big Church’ as I like to call them. It is like they felt if their church was bigger then there must be more truth or whatever to offer. The pastor assigned to speak that day read a scripture, then proceeded to teach from that scripture. Nothing he said actually related to that scripture. He reiterated the story from the scripture and then gave the principle taught (which was not the teaching that applied at all) and tried to make it believable. I squirmed in my seat until I almost was unable to stay seated. Just because he said it in church didn’t make it truth. Just because it is written doesn’t make it truth. When i was a kid people said, “It was in the newspaper” and we were supposed to accept it because it was written. Today if it is on the internet it is assumed to be true. I have read published books by authors who tout themselves as researchers, but sometimes their material is just not truth and their sources are squimish at best. I usually stop reading this type of material as I cannot sit for it either. This is not because I am so intelligent or so much better. It is just that my Mother and Father and lots of teachers over a lifetime of learning taught me. And I thank them all for it. Question authority and question truth. Just because someone is known and published does not make them truth teachers. Seeing the truth is important and no assumptions can be part of it.

And this is all without speaking about the Spirit.

Why Terminus?

I discovered this idea, or should I say, definition, while studying the Bible and reading the story of Samuel the prophet who, after the battle with the Philistines, placed a large stone spire (a terminus) at the head of the valley of Ajanlon where the battle took place. This spire, was to comemorate the winning battle, which could only have happened with the help of the lord. The stone was later named Ebenezer is spoken of in other places in the Bible as battles are described which were won or lost, but Ebenezer marked the place.

It is also spoken of was also struck by the hymn come thou fount of every blessing...... which says ebenezer  ....

So having said all of that, why Terminus.

Have you ever considered who you really are? The true nature of your true self? Can you look in the mirror and see who that person is - looking deeply into your own eyes and knowing that the window to your soul is open as you look deeply.

Are we fearing ourselves?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”                                                                                                  
                                                            ~ Marianne Williamson

I love this quote. If we all could just change our paradigm enough to begin to really understand this concept, we could step up and fulfill our wildest dreams of intelligence and the sharing of good things. Most of us don't even try to put into thoughts, much less words, what we want to be "when we grow up." 

It is my hope that we can work together to get you beyond that mindset and on to bigger and more exciting things.

It's Time to Change Your Life!

So you've been contemplating making a change in your life, but you just haven't made the leap. I know how that is since I have done the same thing myself.

That's why I understand you. I've been there!

My hope is that you can use this blog as another resource to make positive change in your life. I plan to post ideas, stories and other helps to get you moving in the right direction and keep you moving and not stop! My whole purpose is to get you to a place in your life where you can be comfortable and more sure about where you are and the direction you are traveling. (See my pamphlet, etc.)

The first step in this changing process is to spend some time with yourself...Yes, I'm sorry it is necessary for you to socialize with just yourself in order to decide what you want to be when you grow up! Until you know the direction you want to go, you cannot go there!